Wednesday, March 14, 2007
A Wave Of Emotions
I just could not do it today I tried but I had to turn around. I was struggling today to leave and keep my emotions in check. I left the house and while I was at the store I felt the tears welling up inside of me by the time I got to my ruck I had some anxiety and then when I got a hold of my mother it was all over. I just cried and cried not because I was angry but because I was seriously depressed. And it was almost to unbearable. My mom told be this is something that I get from the family she called it the family curse.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
What A Week......
This week was full of events my B-day was last Saturday I have been 34 for one whole week. Well I got into my house from the hotel last Friday due to the cold spell breaking and my frozen/busted pipes being fixed and we have water once again. The little things do mean a lot like washing your face and hands. Anyway I finally met with my counselor and she was cool. I am not sure how things will go but I am hopeful. I got a ticket on my car Thursday 03/01/07 for vehicle registration and the sad part of all of that is that it had expired on 02/28/07. This was just the city cop trying to get brownie points hating on me as and employee of AT&T. Then my mgr. gave me a write up for a tardy from 02/20/07 meanwhile one that was cleared had not been corrected.
I had previously woke up Angry and after she gave me the write up I cried in angst not in fear or sorrow but because I felt trapped. Like there was no way to release the anger that was inside of me. This is something that I would not normally do but I could not hold it in. Then this morning I talked to my sister and she was telling me how stressed she was on her job. And this made me asked her was there more stress in her previous job or this one she said her current job was more stressful and I asked the obvious but don't you make less money at this current job than the old one and she replied yes. Then I asked her about a job she wanted to take with the County before she quit her previous one she stated that they had offered her the position and the money was 1/3 more that what she made at the County and she declined. Now mind you the current job pays about 45% less. I cried again while talking with he because she is struggling and for what? Because she feels that she is called to be a minister and I am thinking OK but God doesn't want you to suffer. And she has a BA in Accounting and is not using it. I would kill to have a BA in anything.
I had previously woke up Angry and after she gave me the write up I cried in angst not in fear or sorrow but because I felt trapped. Like there was no way to release the anger that was inside of me. This is something that I would not normally do but I could not hold it in. Then this morning I talked to my sister and she was telling me how stressed she was on her job. And this made me asked her was there more stress in her previous job or this one she said her current job was more stressful and I asked the obvious but don't you make less money at this current job than the old one and she replied yes. Then I asked her about a job she wanted to take with the County before she quit her previous one she stated that they had offered her the position and the money was 1/3 more that what she made at the County and she declined. Now mind you the current job pays about 45% less. I cried again while talking with he because she is struggling and for what? Because she feels that she is called to be a minister and I am thinking OK but God doesn't want you to suffer. And she has a BA in Accounting and is not using it. I would kill to have a BA in anything.
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